July 20, 2023

If Programming Languages were cars

Justin Golden

Java is an old war tank. It’s dated, can be intimidating to start using, and runs slow, but it’ll work almost anywhere and it’s resilient, and it serves its purpose

JavaScript is a bumble bee. It’s small and annoying to many, but despite all known laws of aviation, it runs fast anyway, because the V8 engine doesn’t care what humans think. It’s easy to squish, but you can add bullet proof armor and a laser gun and night vision goggles and all sorts of cool features to power it up, but these start to weigh the bee down.

Python is a Tesla. Everyone loves it, and it’s great at many things, and while it’s faster than many, it’s significantly slower than a racecar anyday, and there are some things it just can’t do

C is a racecar. It’s terrifying to use, has almost no features, but man does that thing go fast

If HTML was a vehicle, it would be a rock. It’s not a programming language.

C# would be a fighter plane. It’s cool, runs fast, and beats the hell out of Java, but it can be expensive. It goes most places but not restricted air space (Mac)

Assembly is a Ford Model T. It’s old, it’s simple, and it’s beautiful, but you could probably use a better tool for the job.